Love shouldn’t hurt – ever

Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever

Tuesday, 18 January 2022 08:40

Perspective
by Teresia Smith

In January, many have a habit of reflecting upon the past year and planning for the upcoming year. We tend to look back at milestones and gauge if we have had a successful year or not. Then we make resolutions to change things we don’t like and we make plans to improve our life in the year ahead. The biggest question is what needs to change and how do you know what needs improvement? You can’t ask others as we each have our own perspective. The only way to answer those questions is through self-examination.

I saw a story recently by Marc and Angel Chernoff that I found fascinating. They told of a professor who walked into a classroom to teach a lesson on the power of perspective and mindset. In her hand she held a glass of water. She lifted the glass over her head. Usually when you see someone using a glass of water in an illustration, it’s a lesson on is the glass half full or half empty. But that was not what this speaker was talking about this day. Instead, she stood there holding the glass up in the air. Then she asked the class if they could guess the weight of the glass she was holding.
Different students shouted out different guesses. After a few minutes, the professor said that from her perspective, the actual weight of the glass was irrelevant. It all depended on how long she held it up. She explained that if she only held it a minute or two, it was fairly light. If she held it up for an hour straight, the weight of the glass may make her arm ache. And if she attempted to hold it up for an entire day, her arm would likely cramp up, become numb and eventually she would drop the glass. In each of those time frames, the weight of the glass doesn’t change. However, the longer she holds it up, the heavier it feels.

It was a lightbulb moment for many of the students and they nodded their understanding. The professor then continued, “Your worries, frustrations, disappointments, and stressful thoughts are very much like this glass of water. Think about them for a little while and nothing drastic happens. Think about them a bit longer and you begin to feel noticeable pain. Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed, incapable of doing anything else until you drop them.”

If you have been traumatized by domestic violence or sexual assault, chances are you struggling to process fear, anger, worries, stress, and many other emotions. Without a safe place to unpack those feelings and work through them, it can feel like you are holding a glass of water over your head for days and you may feel numb and paralyzed in life. The longer you hold onto the pain, the heavier it becomes. “Remember that emotion is not a debatable phenomenon. It is an authentic reflection of our subjective experience, one that is best served by attending to it.” Curt Thompson.
If you have been struggling to cope with your trauma, maybe it’s time to put that glass down. Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to those who have experienced sexual assault or intimate partner violence. You may reach our Jackson County office at 256.574.5826 and we also offer crisis counseling at a 24/7 HELPline at 256.716.1000. We are here for you.