Love shouldn’t hurt

Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever

Wednesday, 04 December 2024 09:21

Band-aids Aren’t Enough
by Teresia Smith

Often the advice given by well-meaning friends to someone leaving an abusive relationship is things such as “just move on”, or “find someone new and you’ll forget them”. There is no mention of the importance of dealing with the pain and hurt before jumping into a new relationship. I recently heard a podcast about the importance of healing from an abusive relationship and unpacking the baggage before you can be successful in a new relationship. I have paraphrased what they said below:

You trusted someone but they betrayed your trust. They lied to you and maybe cheated on you and they abused you. You were in a relationship you thought would last forever. So, when it ended, you just slapped a Band-Aid on your heart and went on to the next relationship. But that relationship didn’t work out either. So, you slapped on another Band-aid and got into another new relationship and this is what you did over and over. Here’s the thing. If you get a cut and it’s dirty and all you do is slap on a Band-aid, it will become infected and can affect your whole life. You need to clean it first and then you can bandage it to heal. If you don’t slap a Band-aid on a dirty wound, why would you do that with your heart? By not dealing with the trust issues from the first broken relationship, you will suffer insecurities, anxiety, jealousy, depression and more in other relationships you try.

When you leave an abusive relationship, your emotions may be all over the place. It’s hard to think straight and you have to make many choices as you start over. We all want to be desired by someone and it is easy to get swept up in another relationship the first time someone shows you attention. After being in an abusive relationship, dating can feel complicated. You might have a hard time connecting emotionally with others. It is normal to not immediately trust someone and you may even doubt your ideas of what is healthy or not. It’s important to be kind to yourself and remember that healing is a process and there is no timetable.

As advocates who work with survivors, we know that your success in a healthy future relationship will greatly depend on your healing from the abusive one. One helpful thing you can do to heal after leaving an abusive relationship is to build your support system. Part of that system can be your Crisis Services advocate. We can offer you individual crisis counseling to work through the painful emotions left over after you leave so you don’t carry that into a new relationship. We can also provide education to help you identify healthy relationships, as well as support groups with other survivors. Our goal is to provide you with a safe and confidential place to work through all the emotions that come from abuse, clean that wound to heal and not just slap a Band-aid over it.
Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services at our Jackson County office to victims of sexual assault and intimate partner violence.

We can be reached at 256.574.5826 for an appointment with a trained crisis counselor. Reach out today. You are not alone.