Love shouldn’t hurt

Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever

Monday, 04 November 2024 09:18

It Is Never Too Late
by Teresia Smith

Recently I read a quote by Angel Chernoff that said, “You can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Tiny repeated efforts will get you there.” As I read this, I was thinking of the people who are finally free of an abusive relationship and working to figure out their lives. People reinvent themselves at all ages. People start a family, go back to college, start a new business, or many other things throughout life. Survivors of intimate partner violence may be relocating to a new area, starting new jobs, and finding their circle of supportive people as they work to regain their independence. It doesn’t happen overnight and can feel overwhelming. However, you can be successful by making consistent, gradual progress, step by step. There is not a right or wrong time as it is individual. Just remember, it is never too late to leave an abusive relationship and make yourself a priority.

The first step is to realize you are only human and we don’t always choose wisely. Don’t allow yourself to be pigeonholed and think you are stuck and can never make changes. Forgive yourself. Maybe you made some poor choices or at least not wise ones, but everyone does. We are all human. The key is to forgive yourself, learn from past mistakes and move forward. “Once we forgive ourselves and fully embrace our humanness, it’s almost funny to see how seamlessly we can adapt to life’s transitions — how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Take this to heart. And don’t forget to pause regularly to appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, and you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for the steps you’ve taken, so you can step forward again with grace” (Angel Chernoff).

Next, remove unhealthy people and situations from your life. Let go of the old stuff so you have room for the new. Don’t allow others’ critical opinions in your life. Having a trusted friend who can help you talk through things and possibly point out things you may not have considered is much different than someone who just wants to criticize you. As humans, we tend to put way too much weight on what others think. Unfortunately, those in abusive relationships have been so often told they are ugly, worthless, and less than that they start to believe it. Remember, you cannot control others. They have to determine how they feel or even how they think of you. We can waste so much of our energy trying to make people like us that there is no energy left for ourselves. Creating healthy boundaries can bring much peace to your life. Not everyone is intentionally toxic, but if having a relationship with them causes you to compromise yourself, they may not be the best people to be in your circle. Life is short and we cannot replace time. Your well-being must be a priority and if that means breaking up a toxic relationship, putting distance between you and a friend or family member, or even moving away from someone who isn’t healthy for you, you deserve a healthy space for yourself.

Remember, great things don’t happen in a single day. Keep a journal to record your progress and go back and remind yourself just how far you have come. As humans, we don’t like being uncomfortable and tend to stay in our comfort zone. But what if we are missing out on so much because we succumb to our fear of discomfort? “In the end, all the small things make a big difference. Every step is crucial. Life isn’t about a single moment of great triumph and attainment. It’s about the trials and errors that slowly get you there — the blood, sweat, tears, and the small, inconsequential things you do on a day-to-day basis. It all matters in the end — every step, every regret, every decision, every minor setback and minuscule win” (Angel Chernoff). Every experience you have been through, good and bad, has shaped you into the person you are. And in some way, it has led you to where you are today and given you the strength to pursue the life you always wanted. I hope you will embrace your strength, find the wisdom to make the best choices, and most of all, be kind to yourself.

If you or a loved one have experienced intimate partner violence or sexual assault, you are not alone. Statistics show that this is a problem that spans every age group, every race, and every demographic. As a community, we must raise awareness and if we see something, we should say something. Crisis Services of North Alabama provides free and confidential services to victims. We have a local office in Jackson County and you may call 256.574.5826 for an appointment. We also offer a 24/7 HELPline,