Love shouldn’t hurt

Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever

Wednesday, 17 July 2024 06:19

Boundaries, Consent and Dating
by Teresia Smith

Parenting teens can be some of the most challenging years of life. There are so many potential pitfalls so it is smart to have regular talks with them from time to time to check in and make connections. It’s great if these talks happen naturally. One great place is in the car when there’s nothing else distracting. When developmentally appropriate, it’s important to have talks about dating, modesty, boundaries, and consent.
Every family will have their own rules when it comes to dating. You have to do what’s best for your family. When talking to some parents, it seems that age 16 is a common age to allow teens to begin going on dates. Dating can teach social and relational skills, help teens build self-esteem and also help them to grow emotionally. However, dating also can bring negative effects like depression, anxiety, and can pressure teens into risky behaviors. Other parents prefer their teen delay dating until older to lessen the risks and encourage their teen to focus on their education. It is an individual choice and you have to determine what is right for your child.

When talking with your teens, it’s important for them to know there is no subject off limits or too embarrassing to discuss with you. Don’t assume your kids will get all the sex education they need from a class at school. And you certainly don’t want them relying on what friends tell them or what they can google. Our culture is saturated in abuse, porn and deviate behaviors that are celebrated instead of called out as wrong. By opening the lines of communication with your teen, you can make sure they receive accurate information and guidance that fits with your family’s beliefs.

As your teens begin dating relationships, it’s the perfect time to reinforce the hallmarks of healthy relationships. Boundaries and consent are two things you need to talk about often. Boundaries protect us and each person has the right to set their boundaries. Boundaries can be physical, such as telling someone you don’t want a hug. Boundaries can also be emotional, such as telling someone you aren’t comfortable sharing personal information. And, of course, boundaries can be sexual, such as telling someone you are plan to stay celibate until marriage.

Make sure you teach your teens not only to set their boundaries but also to respect others’ boundaries. No means no. And remind them that consent cannot be given when a person is impaired, such as using drugs and alcohol, or if they are asleep or unconscious. And just because they gave consent in the past doesn’t mean consent is given in the future. If we are able to teach our teens about boundaries, consent and healthy relationships early, maybe they can recognize red flags and avoid abusive relationships.
Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to victims of sexual assault and intimate partner violence. You may reach our Jackson County office for an appointment at 256.574.5826. If you have questions about healthy relationship or red flags, please reach out. You are not alone.