Love shouldn’t hurt-ever

Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever

Wednesday, 01 May 2024 09:20

After Abuse
by Teresia Smith

Sexual abuse, especially early in life, makes trusting others very difficult. If you were abused at a young age, relationships have not ever felt safe or reliable. You may have believed there was no one you could count on. And whoever abused you certainly betrayed you. You may have sensed that something wasn’t right, but you wondered if it was your fault. Maybe you were forced to keep it a secret. Possibly you did tell someone, but perhaps they didn’t believe you, or blamed you, or told you not to tell.
Living with the after-effects of sexual abuse can have a tremendous influence on your future relationships. None of this makes trust easy. And, trust is essential in any close relationship. So, either you don’t get close to anyone, or maybe you choose people with abusive behaviors, which confirms your distrust of others. This gives you an excuse to run away fast from relationships so not to take any risks. And if you haven’t been able to grasp that you were not at fault for the abuse, you may even choose abusive partners thinking that’s all you deserve. Once you have been abused, it’s common to not expect love and just settle for anything you can get from a partner. The self-doubt takes hold and you expect to be mistreated. It’s not your fault that you retreat to this familiar behavior. However, you need to know you don’t have to settle for this.

You can do more than merely survive or settle. After experiencing sexual abuse, it is important to have a dependable support system and a trusted person you can talk to and work through your feelings, so you can heal before you decide to get into a new relationship. I would suggest that you learn to recognize warning signs, or red flags, of an abuser and the hallmarks of healthy relationships as well as work to heal your self-esteem. Educate yourself on the true definition of love in a relationship and don’t settle to just be with someone. You can work to learn to trust again and enjoy a nourishing, loving relationship.

If you have experienced trauma from sexual assault or domestic violence, we are here to help. Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to victims of intimate partner violence and sexual assault, such as court advocacy, access to safe shelter, support groups, compassionate listening, and referrals when needed. You may contact Crisis Services locally in Jackson County at 256.574.5826 or via our 24/7 HELPline at 256.716.1000. You are not alone.