Love shouldn’t hurt – ever

Thoughts from the Bible

Tuesday, 16 April 2024 14:53

The Role of Consent

By: Teresia Smith
Sexual Assault Response Coordinator, Crisis Services of North Alabama

I am sure most have heard the word “consent”. In case you may not fully understand what it means, consent is when one person gives permission to another person to do something. Consent means agreeing to an action, its likely consequences and having the option of saying no. The absence of “no” does not mean “yes”. This can be for anything from giving a hug, using someone as a reference, entering your home, riding in your car, or in the case of what we are talking about today, a sexual relationship.

Every healthy relationship needs communication, honesty and respect. Asking for consent shows respect for yourself and the other person. It removes the power that one partner might feel over the other. Your body belongs to you and it is your choice what activities in which you engage.

Rainn.org explains sexual consent as “an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent should be clearly and freely communicated. A verbal and affirmative expression of consent can help both you and your partner to understand and respect each other’s boundaries. Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious. If someone agrees to an activity under pressure or threat, that isn’t considered consent because it was not given freely. Unequal power dynamics, such as engaging in sexual activity with an employee or student, also mean that consent cannot be freely given.”

It is very important to understand “capacity to consent”. Though it may vary slightly from state to state, generally there are factors that contribute to someone’s capacity to consent. These people cannot give legal consent to sexual activities. Rainn.org lists these factors:
•“Age: Is the person at or above the age of consent for that state? Does the age difference between the perpetrator and victim affect the age of consent in that state?
•Developmental disability: Does the person have a developmental disability or other form of mental incapacitation, such as a traumatic brain injury?
•Intoxication: Was the person intoxicated? Different states have different definitions of intoxication, and in some states it matters whether you voluntarily or involuntarily became intoxicated.
•Physical disability: Does the persona have a physical disability, incapacity, or other form of helplessness?
•Relationship of victim/perpetrator: Was the alleged perpetrator in a position of authority, such as such as a teacher or superior?
•Unconsciousness: Was the person sleeping, sedated, strangulated, or suffering from physical trauma?
•Vulnerable adults: Is the person considered a vulnerable adult, such as an elderly or ill person? Is this adult dependent on others for care?”
Granting consent is what makes sexual activity and touching okay. Consent means saying “yes” to a specific sexual situation in the moment—it’s not an agreement that, once said, applies every instance thereafter. Each situation is new and you should give consent every time. The following lists things that are NOT consent:
•Staying silent. Just because you didn’t say “no,” doesn’t mean you said, “yes.”
•Dressing or acting sexy. You are never “asking for it” unless you verbally give consent.
•Being drunk, asleep or passed out. If you’ve been drinking or doing drugs that affect your judgment or consciousness, you are unable to give consent.
•Agreeing to one type of sexual activity. When you say “yes,” you are agreeing to a specific situation that you are comfortable with. If you change your mind or the intensity of the activity changes, you always have the right to say “no.”
•Giving in. Just because you don’t fight back doesn’t mean you have consented. If you are being threatened or forced, fighting back could be dangerous.
Consent is so important to understand, not only for victims but to protect young people who may not truly understand what consent is or is not. If you would like more information, or if you are a victim of sexual assault, please contact Crisis Services of North Alabama at 256.574.5826. Remember, you are not alone.