Thursday, June 29, 2017
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Love should never hurt- ever! 05-17-17

Domestic violence

When most people think about domestic violence, they often picture women (and men) with black eyes, bruises on their arms, or with unexplained bandages or casts. The truth is that domestic violence doesn’t always come with visible proof.

Every day in our office we see victims (aka survivors, as they are alive) who have been harmed by their abusers physically, verbally, psychologically or emotionally. Their abusive tactics are varied, and sometimes, this means the survivor doesn’t even recognize certain behaviors initially as abuse.

Some survivors don’t identify that what’s going on in their relationship as “domestic violence.” For lots of people, abuse doesn’t happen everyday. The breaks in between the abuse events bring hope that things will change—which rarely happens.

According to Tami Sullivan, Director of Family Violence Research and Programs at Yale University, “There is always psychological abuse if there is physical or sexual abuse.” And while survivors will confirm that the physical abuse is awful, they often state the psychological abuse is worse because it erodes their self-esteem, self-worth, ability to maintain employment, and parent their kids. There are no bruises or broken bones, so survivors can’t see how awful things are.”

Most times, abusers will use a combination of the following physical, emotional, sexual, verbal and financial tactics which all add up to a pattern of violent power and control.

Physical abuse




•Suffocating, strangling or choking


•Pushing or shoving

•Physically abusing or threatening to abuse children or helpless animals

Sexual abuse tactics include:

•Forcing someone to go further or do things sexually they aren’t comfortable doing


•Objectifying or treating someone like a sexual object


psychological and

verbal abuse involves:


•Harassment or stalking

•Name-calling, constant criticism or insults

•Destroying possessions

•Forcing someone to participate in illegal activities

•Blaming the survivor for the abuse or mistakes

•Falsely accusing the survivor of things such as infidelity, mental instability, being “crazy”, to justify the abuse

•Harming the survivor’s pets

•Showing off weapons and/or making threats with weapons

•Isolating the survivor from family and friends

•Spying on or controlling the frequency of a survivor’s phone calls or internet use

•Not allowing the survivor to make any decisions

•Turning friends and family against the victim/survivor

Financial abuse may include:

•Not allowing the survivor to hold a job or complete their education

•Not allowing the survivor to access income, open a bank account or have a credit card

•Forcing the survivor to ask or beg for money

•Stealing money

•Providing an “allowance”

Of course, this is not an exhaustive list of tactics abusers can use to exert power and control over someone. Crisis Services provides help for individuals and families needing support and guidance during difficult times. Our services are free and confidential. 256.574.5826

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