Domestic Violence causes powerlessness.

Emotional, financial, physical, mental, and verbal abuse stem from someone’s need to have power over another person. In order for someone to have power over another person that person takes away the other person’s ability to make choices for themselves. You might be wondering how that happens or what that looks like.
This play for power over someone sometimes starts subtly. The person with power and control issues begins “checking-in” frequently and asking very specific questions. They use disapproval before leading to telling them not to do something, wear something, or go somewhere. When this does not work it escalates to threats or actual violence. This person’s need for control goes beyond any reasons. They only care what that other person is doing or what they will do and not how they feel.
Talking never stops this person. They call, email, or text constantly. The need for constant contact might be seen as charming or sweet at first, but it slowly becomes overbearing. They fly into an angry rage if the phone rings more than a few times or goes to voicemail. Maybe they set off an alarm to get that persons attention. Their need for control overshadows all sense of right or wrong.
If confronted with their behaviors the person with control issues never accepts responsibility for their actions. They use jealousy as an excuse. Maybe they even state that they need to make sure the other person is safe. Endless discussions happen over the slightest things. They always need to be right.
Suddenly you cannot go to the store without checking in every five minutes. You watch the clock when you are out without that person. You change yourself to avoid the fights or the three hour conversation about why you could not answer the telephone while juggling grocery bags and opening your car door. You start apologizing for everything because you start to think that you are the problem and not that other person.
This is how you lose control. Not all at once, but slowly over time. With every single compromise to please someone else you lose a little bit of control over your own choices. Sometimes this happens without warning. You are too close to see it. You stop spending time with your friends and family. You start isolating yourself from the world because you think it makes it easier.
If any of these sounds familiar know that you are not alone. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence 20 people per minute are abused by an intimate partner. Please contact Crisis Services of North Alabama at 256-716-1000 or locally at 256-574-5826. We can help. We provide free, confidential support to anyone experiencing intimate partner violence.

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