I write so often about abusive relationships that I forget to remind people that it’s just as important to BE a good partner as to choose a good partner. 

I found this quick quiz on love is respect.org to check yourself.
Be honest as you answer “Yes” or “No” to the following questions to find out if you are a good partner. At the end, you will find out how to score your answers. Do I . . .
1. Forget to thank my partner when they do something nice for me?
2. Ignore my partner’s calls if I don’t feel like talking?
3. Get jealous when my partner makes a new friend?
4. Have trouble making time to listen to my partner when something is bothering them?
5. Discourage my partner from trying something new like joining a club or trying a different hobby or sport?
6. Call, text or drive by my partner’s house a lot?
7. Get upset when my partner wants to hang out with their friends or family?
8. Make fun of my partner or call them names?
9. Criticize my partner for their taste in music or clothing?
10. Make fun of my partner’s appearance?
11. Accuse my partner of flirting or cheating even if I’m not sure that’s what happened?
12. Take out my frustrations on my partner, like snapping at them or giving them attitude?
13. Throw things if I’m mad at my partner or do things like hit walls or drive dangerously?
14. Read my partner’s texts or go through their personal things, like their wallet or purse?
15. Tell my partner they are the reason for my bad mood even if they aren’t?
16. Try to make my partner feel guilty about things they have no control over?
17. Sometimes say things to my partner knowing that they are hurtful?
18. Talk down to or embarrass my partner in front of others?
19. Make/encourage my partner to do things sexually that I know they don’t want to do?
Scoring: Give yourself one point for every “Yes” you answered to the questions one through four and five points for all “Yes” answers to numbers 5-19. Don’t give yourself any points for any “No” answers.
Now that you’re finished and have your score, the next step is to find out what it means. Simply take your total score and see which of the categories below aply to you.
0 points – If you got zero points, congratulations! You make a good partner! It sounds like you’re very mindful of your actions and respectful of your partner’s feelings – these are the building blocks of a healthy relationship. Keeping things on a good track takes work, so stay with it! As long as you and your partner continue like this, your relationship should grow in a healthy direction.
1-2 points – If you scored one or two points, there may be a couple of things in your relationship that could use a little attention. Nobody is perfect, but it is important to be mindful of your actions and try to avoid hurting your partner. Remember, communication is the key to building a healthy relationship.
3-more points – If you scored three or more points, it’s possible that some of your actions may hurt your partner and relationship. While the behaviors may not be abusive, they can worsen over time if you don’t change.

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